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By Charles L. Whitfield

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This leaves us unskilled and deficient in whichever crucial inner life ability has been blocked. In spite of these developmental blocks, our society's emphasis on thinking and doing allows us to function intellectually and do various physical and mental tasks well. But in our relationship with self and others we often have difficultyfrom the perspective of our inner lifeachieving the other developmental tasks, including connecting, trusting, mastering and loving. Thus, if a child's parent is dysfunctional in the role of healthy parentthat is, if the parent cannot assist the child in healthy psycho-spiritual growth and developmentthen that will block (to varying degrees) the child's ability to work through whichever developmental task may be appropriate, and thereby block the ability to grow and evolve.

Between the healthy wanting to do one's best and learning from mistakes, and the unhealthy preoccupation with perfection to one's own detriment583. Victims can present as the "sick one" with chronic illness, or as the "bad one," the delinquent or scapegoat who is always getting into trouble. The victim admits and expresses self-pity"no one understands" them. They often whine while telling their story of woe. Although they may toy with getting help, they rarely commit or follow 6. through. They admittedly run from taking responsibility for selfimprovement.

They lose their identity in others138. professionals often manifest co-dependence in this way. As is true of most of these guises, they usually learned it as a survival technique growing up in their dysfunctional family of origin. People pleasers have unhealthy personal boundaries and limits649,652. their own healthy wants and needs. They have a hard time saying no to others. Part of their recovery includes learning to say no. People pleasing is a subtle form of manipulation and control. Page 42 Overachievers feel empty from the loss of their True Self, and try to fill the emptiness with achievements.

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