By Tucker Max
What do you do when you write a number one bestselling publication approximately your drunken, sexual misadventures that makes you wealthy and recognized? have fun via getting extra inebriated and having insane quantities of intercourse, evidently. And beautiful quickly you've obtained one other fucking booklet in your hands.
Stuffed filled with ridiculous tales of undesirable judgements, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, Assholes end First begins the place i'm hoping They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to "some next-level shit."
You already understand how girls react to self assurance, online game, and vodka, yet what occurs should you upload funds and reputation to the combination? You get solutions to the challenging questions you've by no means considered asking:
• What's it prefer to have intercourse with a midget? What approximately midgets?
• How does it think to get a number of requests to "fuck for charity"?
• What does it do to a guy to observe a 19-year-old do wind sprints to sober up, in order that she will have intercourse with you prior to her dual sister does?
• At how many virgins does deflowering them cease being enjoyable and begin feeling like a job?
• while a lady you met 3 hours in the past makes a decision to tattoo your identify subsequent to her pussy, what's the acceptable reaction?
• are you able to X-ray a blowjob?
The solutions are inside of, they're absurd and hilarious, and they're the made from one man's experiences:
His identify is Tucker Max, and he's nonetheless an asshole.
Read or Download Assholes Finish First PDF
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Additional resources for Assholes Finish First
I looked for another solution. Tucker “Can’t we just fuck anyway? ” Girl “NO! ” Girl “Don’t you know anything about women? I’m at my fertility peak right now. These are the three days I am MOST likely to get pregnant. ” Girl “Pull and pray is not happening. ” Well, this fucking sucks. I rack my brain trying to think of something to do. I momentarily consider asking to use her car because there might be spare change in there. I ponder what it would take to steal money from her purse… when I look down and saw my used condom on the floor.
She walks into my room and from next to my bed, picks up a completely different purse, one I had not seen, digs through it, finds her wallet, and throws a driver’s license at me. The name on the license is Jennifer, and the picture looks like the angry Yeti standing in front of me. I’m so confused. ” I knew I shouldn’t say this. It was mean… but she is being such a bitch, I just couldn’t help it. Plus, she wasn’t very attractive. Tucker “I don’t know, but her purse is on the sofa. Can you send her over?
That’s really bad. But when you don’t have enough money to even go to $1 beer night, it’s an emergency. To solve this problem, I got a job with Princeton Review teaching the LSAT. The LSAT is the admissions test for law school, and is very difficult for most people. I on the other hand fucked that test so hard, Duke gave me an academic scholarship. Because of my high score, Princeton Review paid me $21 an hour to teach other people how to take it. I taught about 15 hours per week, which was barely enough to pay for my rent and beer, but I didn’t have to go to an office or really even have a boss, so it wasn’t a soulless job that sucked the life out of me, and it gave me time to write.