Download Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith PDF

By Seth Grahame-Smith

Indiana, 1818. Moonlight falls in the course of the dense woods that encompass a one-room cabin, the place a nine-year-old Abraham Lincoln kneels at his anguish mother's bedside. She's been with anything the old-timers name "Milk Sickness."

"My child boy..." she whispers prior to dying.

Only later will the grieving Abe research that his mother's deadly ailment was once truly the paintings of a vampire.

When the reality turns into identified to younger Lincoln, he writes in his magazine, "henceforth my lifestyles will probably be certainly one of rigorous research and devotion. I shall turn into a grasp of brain and physique. And this mastery shall have yet one purpose..." talented along with his mythical peak, power, and ability with an ax, Abe units out on a direction of vengeance that might lead him the entire solution to the White House.

While Abraham Lincoln is generally lauded for saving a Union and releasing hundreds of thousands of slaves, his valiant struggle opposed to the forces of the undead has remained within the shadows for centuries. that's, until eventually Seth Grahame-Smith stumbled upon The mystery magazine of Abraham Lincoln, and have become the 1st dwelling individual to put eyes on it in additional than one hundred forty years.

Using the magazine as his consultant and writing within the grand biographical form of Doris Kearns Goodwin and David McCullough, Seth has reconstructed the true existence tale of our best president for the 1st time-all whereas revealing the hidden heritage in the back of the Civil warfare and uncovering the position vampires performed within the beginning, progress, and near-death of our state.

Show description

Read Online or Download Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter PDF

Similar satire books

The Mouse on Wall Street

By no means has "the cash game" been extra deliciously uncovered than during this creative comedy-satire. Grand Fenwick's mystery weapon this time is its Grand Pinot chewing gum. on the end of its successful warfare opposed to the U.S., the duchy had lodged production rights to the product in an American corporation, the place they'd lain dormant.

The Crying of Lot 49

The hugely unique satire approximately Oedipa Maas, a lady who reveals herself enmeshed in a world conspiracy, meets a few tremendous attention-grabbing characters, and attains a no longer inconsiderable quantity of self knowledge.

Candy

The sensational bestseller—a parody of Voltaire's satire Candide—about the horny naïf who in basic terms desires to actually provide of herself

Candy, that excellent, lovely, blameless lady, used to be born on Valentine's Day, and her Daddy says that's why she's so attractive. At her collage in Racine, Wisconsin, in Professor Mephisto's lecture on philosophy and the way "deep and aching are the desires of man," sweet turns out to take his pronouncement to center, dedicating the remainder of her days to, as Southern and Hoffenberg positioned it, "bringing the candy balm of her heat to all these lonely males on her laborious route to religious enlightenment. " there's the hunchback who explanations her to cry out in wild abandon, "Your hump! supply me your hump! ", the crazed gynecologist within the bar toilet who "examines" her, the salacious aunt, her father's lecherous dual brother, and the nutty Cracker starting place, the place her guru initiates her into the magical realm of "glandular mastery. " it really is in Tibet, in the course of an earthquake, holy guy and the Buddha jointly lead her to complete . . . enlightenment.

Originally released lower than a pseudonym, this publication had the original honor of being banned in France, in basic terms to develop into one of many bestselling novels of Sixties America—one that introduced Southern and Hoffenberg either repute and infamy. A e-book that, besides Lolita, broke the grip of yank literary censorship, sweet leaves you tantalized, scandalized, and susceptible with laughter.

This booklet gains an illustrated biography of Terry Southern together with infrequent images and never-before-seen records from the author's property and a longer biography of Mason Hoffenberg.

Rants

Now, i do not are looking to get off on a rant here   the recent York instances referred to as Dennis Miller's The Rants "a interesting mixture of profanity and wit. .. that would make lovers of his irreverent liberal angst snigger out loud. " Readers around the country in actual fact agreed, as the publication stayed at the instances hardcover bestseller checklist for months, with greater than 130,000 copies in print.

Extra resources for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Example text

Then I grab The Hollywood Reporter. The little Indian man who runs the newsstand is looking at me because I never buy any magazines from him, but I don’t think he’s going to say anything mean. Foreigners in this country have sure taken a beating since 9-11. I quickly flip to the back of the Reporter and check out the ads. Right away, the words “personal assistant” jump out at me. They are in bold print above an ad that reads: Help wanted by busy, high-profile Hollywood couple. Duties include answering telephones, faxing, running errands, and multitasking.

Meteoroid,” Griffin corrects. “My hands are tied. Johnny wants him in this film. ” “Bingo,” he says. “Put me down for next week, same time. ” I make a face. “That’s what they’re calling it? ” I’m looking at Griffin’s teeth. He has straight square teeth that look like white peppermint Chiclets. Damn. Why are all the fine ones gay? “You’re getting your raise in a month and you don’t want to piss anyone off,” I say. 53 54 “You got it,” Griffin says, brushing his cheek against mine. Geminis are always on the run.

He wants to fucking party. Remember when DiCaprio went that route? ” Johnny props his elbows on the desk and wiggles his fingers in front of his face as if he were playing an imaginary clarinet. This is Johnny’s deepthinking ritual. His fingers move rapidly until he has an epiphany. Or a thought, anyway. And often a not-very-good thought. He slams both hands on the desk. “You have to talk to him. You’re young. You can relate to him better, except when it comes to pussy, of course. ” Johnny growls.

Download PDF sample

Rated 4.08 of 5 – based on 27 votes